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hannahclaired asked: You have a twitter, tumblr, and now I see a website? Get off the computer and come hangout with me. I have no shame in buying your friendship. Just throw me some of those smart ass lines. Not kidding that much. Come here now.

I don’t know you or where you live but if I had a jetpack and a good map, I’d fly over there, spewing diesel fumes all over your neighborhood. And then, just as the neighbors crawled from their homes, confusedly wiping the sleep from their eyes, I would dismount and say, “I’m here, friend.” Then we go to the kitchen and make some snacks. After that, spooning. Simple Platonic spooning, followed by simple Platonic necking, fingering, and plowing. Then bed.

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star-latino asked: loved the CC special

Thanks. It felt pretty good about you too.

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imcrushingyourhead asked: I don't care that you have a wife and kids, can't we just have an affair? I want to go down that long path that leads to you sleeping with me.

:D

Ok. Just don’t talk. Just lay there and do what I tell you and when I’ve finished my business you need to just pick your shit up and go. You will be my sex slave. If you are good at making waffles, that’s also a big plus.

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amber-lynn asked: i wrote you a letter on my tumblr in regards to the hurt i feel that i can't see you play in charleston, sc because your show was sold out. i might be falling into a depression.

I hope you came out of your depression. I’ll be there again next week at some school. You can come see me there.

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wrenslastlaugh asked: My friend Matt told me that one time at a fair in Connecticut your daughter bit his hand when he asked her to leave a bouncy house and it drew blood and you didn't even apologize. I think that's fantastic.

I don’t remember this incident but why should I apologize for what my daughter did? If he wants to press charges, you tell that fucker to lawyer up. And bring a big fucking checkbook because it’s going to get ugly. Also, I’m sorry.

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Somebody Forwarded Me This: I Liked It

A Poem for 9/11/11

Whatever you say about it will be stupid

But say it anyway.

Whatever you were doing doesn’t matter

But tell us anyway.

Whoever you are

Wherever you were

However much you try

None of it

Can replace any of what was lost

But try to anyway.

Text

Comparing 3 Actual, Serious, Not Funny Diseases by Funniness

Bulimia > Anorexia

Spinal Bifida > Cerebral Palsy

Genital Herpes > AIDS

Text

The “Black is White” Tour Schedule!

18-Aug
Louisville, KY
http://improvlouisville.com/show_right.cfm?id=79379

7-Sep
Athens, GA
www.40watt.com

8-Sep
Atlanta, GA
http://www.ferstcenter.gatech.edu/plugins/shows/index.php?id=461

9-Sep
Asheville, NC
http://theorangepeel.net/events/michael-ian-black/

10-Sep
Charleston, SC
8pm
http://www.etix.com/ticket/online/homePageSearch.do?method=showPerformanceDetail&performance_id=1525941&search_source=etix
10pm
http://www.etix.com/ticket/online/homePageSearch.do?method=showPerformanceDetail&performance_id=1525947&search_source=etix

15-Sep
Minneapolis, MN
http://www.ticketfly.com/purchase/event/52123?utm_medium=bks

16-Sep
Madison, WI
https://www.etix.com/ticket/online/performanceSearch.jsp?performance_id=1519895&cobrand=majesticmadison

17-Sep
Milwaukee, WI
http://pabsttheater.org/show/michaelianblack2011

23-Sep
Portland, OR
http://www.ticketmaster.com/event/0F0046EFA3A16B09?brand=&tm_link=tm_homeA_h3

24-Sep
Seattle, WA
http://purchase.tickets.com/buy/TicketPurchase?pid=7021464

27-Sep
Columbia, SC
Closed to the public, college show

7-Oct
Austin, TX
http://transmission.frontgatetickets.com/choose.php?a=1&lid=57584&eid=65625

8-Oct
Fort Worth, TX
http://www.basshall.com/eventsnew.jsp?performanceID=8716

14-Oct
Boston, MA
http://www.ticketmaster.com/event/010046E7CE8D99F3?artistid=1025051&majorcatid=10002&minorcatid=51

15-Oct
South Burlington, VT
http://higherground.frontgatetickets.com/choose.php?a=1&lid=57533&eid=65578

3-Nov
Ann Arbor, MI
http://aacomedy.com/

4-Nov
Cleveland Heights, OH
http://www.ticketweb.com/t3/sale/SaleEventDetail?dispatch=loadSelectionData&eventId=3819775

5-Nov
Chicago, IL
http://event.etix.com/ticket/online/frontDoor.jsp?performance_id=1522275&cobrand=jamusa

10-Nov
New York, NY
TBD by NY Comedy Festival

11-Nov
Philadelphia, PA
http://www.ticketmaster.com/event/020046F2B8308FAA

12-Nov
Baltimore, MD
TBD by Ottobar

16-Nov
Los Angeles, CA
http://largo.laughstub.com/show.cfm?id=92731

17-Nov
San Francisco, CA
8pm
http://www.ticketmaster.com/event/1C0046F3E97C71E4

18-Nov
San Francisco, CA
8pm
http://www.ticketmaster.com/event/1C0046F3E97171E0

18-Nov
San Francisco, CA
10:15pm
http://www.ticketmaster.com/event/1C0046F3E97371E1

19-Nov
San Francisco, CA
8pm
http://www.ticketmaster.com/event/1C0046F3E97671E2

19-Nov
San Francisco, CA
10:15pm
http://www.ticketmaster.com/event/1C0046F3E97971E3

1-Dec
Washington, DC
http://www.ticketmaster.com/event/150046F38C403521

2-Dec
Durham, NC
http://www.ticketmaster.com/event/0E0046ECA285E94B?artistid=1025051&majorcatid=10002&minorcatid=51

3-Dec
Richmond, VA
http://www.ticketmaster.com/event/010046F2C4D3B785

Video

This is pretty funny.

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If You’ve Ever Wondered Where All My Winning Self-Deprecation Comes From

Just read the comment section of this AV Club interview I did. Just a marvelous potpourri of hatred:

  • Well?

    5 Aug. 2011 | 12:09 AM CDT

    Huh?

    Hide All Replies
    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 12:11 AM CDT

      successful prufrocksies

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 12:15 AM CDT

      I’m gonna look one more time for that baby deer.

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 12:28 AM CDT

      I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker,
      And I have seen the eternal Footman hold my coat, and snicker,
      And in short, I was afraid.

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 1:10 AM CDT

      Steve Heisler says, “This album is incredible!”

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 3:01 AM CDT

      Can someone with exceptional powers of reading comprehension give me the lowdown? I tend to think the answer may be, “no”.
      I am a 28 years old doctor, mature and beautiful.and now I am seeking a good man who can give me real love , so i got a username sammyshine2002 on—a’ge’l’ov’e’r.c óm—.it is the first and best club for y’ounger women and old’er men, or older women and y’ounger men,to int’eract with each other. Maybe you wanna ch’eck ‘it out or tell your friends!

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 4:10 AM CDT

      This guy STINKS

      I would rather watch improv from a group of retards at the ARC then STELLA

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 5:02 AM CDT

      No Shit. I’d rather rape myself with a starving mongoose than watch Michael & Michael Have Issues

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 5:48 AM CDT

      gay?
      gay.

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 7:10 AM CDT

      I SO want to punch my TV whenever this guy’s smug face appears on it.

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 9:04 AM CDT

      So help me God if you both don’t SHUT UP I will run this car into a telephone poll!

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 11:11 AM CDT

      All the commenters come and go / punching Michael Ian Black to and fro.

    Reply
  • Much funnier than this guy.

    5 Aug. 2011 | 12:11 AM CDT

    I saw Interview with a vampire this week and here is my review: Not gay enough

    Hide All Replies
    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 12:13 AM CDT

      I was in my peak physical condition when I was about like, uh… one. Oh God, I looked good, young and fresh! You wouldn’t know me now if you’d seen me when I was one, you know? I even looked good for my age. People would come up to me and go, ‘what are you, zero?’ And I’d go, ‘no, I’m one over here!’

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 12:15 AM CDT

      I’ll tell you why nobody knows, ‘cause, people forget a very important thing. The Chinese are a lot smarter than us… So, it’s hard to-to criticize. But some things, we excel at that they don’t, you know, it’s-I mean, I have never seen a Chinese guy in a porno.

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 12:17 AM CDT

      You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don’t care for him.

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 12:19 AM CDT

      I was watchin’ last night, I saw, speed, uh, speed skating. And, uh, my goodness, you know? Could the outfits they wear be any tighter? Holy Lord! There was an East German woman, I swear, you could see the outline of her entire penis.

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 12:20 AM CDT

      I remember when pot, was something you cooked your eggs in.”

      ”I remember-I-I remember when hash, was something you -you made out of corned beef.”

      ”I remember-I remember when-I remember when acid, was something ya-ya threw in a guy’s face when he made a pass at your wife.”

      ”I remember-I remember ecstasy when it was-when it was just the feeling you had, when you threw that vial of acid in the guy’s face.

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 9:06 AM CDT

      Hey, here’s a compromise: how about instead of listening to funk rock, we listen to FUNK Rock?..

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 10:22 AM CDT

      Hey, doc, what is this, feedin’ time at the zoo?!

    Reply
  • the original stellla stuff on collegehumor still makes me laugh

    5 Aug. 2011 | 12:13 AM CDT

    like this gem
    http://www.collegehumor.com/video/52200

    Hide All Replies
    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 12:53 AM CDT

      You think I’m some sloppy wet pussy for you to fuck?!

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 9:29 AM CDT

      My buddy got in trouble with security senior year of college for blasting “YOU THINK I’M SOME SLOPPY WET PUSSY FOR YOU TO FUCK?” from his speakers out into the atrium of a dormitory during exam week. Good times. Seeing Stella live in 03 is perhaps the finest comedy experience of my life.

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 10:19 AM CDT

      I actually have trouble getting into their live show. Maybe it’s just something about watching someone acting that silly live as opposed to in the confines of a tv show or online short, but something was just weird about it.

    Reply
  • Great Comedian

    5 Aug. 2011 | 12:16 AM CDT

    but Static-X sucks.

    Reply
  • firxstr

    5 Aug. 2011 | 12:21 AM CDT

    oh yeah

    Hide All Replies
    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 12:23 AM CDT

      Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets,
      The muttering retreats

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 6:36 AM CDT

      TV AIDS

    Reply
  • It’s “wary,” not “weary”

    5 Aug. 2011 | 12:21 AM CDT

    Although weary could sort of work in that context too.

    Hide All Replies
    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 8:15 AM CDT

      I’m afraid you’ve already lost this battle, my friend.

    Reply
  • I’d rather watch Dane Cook and Carlos Mencia

    5 Aug. 2011 | 12:23 AM CDT

    Jesus fucking hell, I hate this fucking guy. He’s the least funny person I think I’ve ever seen in TV and movies and his mere presence ruins otherwise enjoyable things.

    And in the spirit of his shitty persona, I was hating Michael Ian Black before it was cool.

    Hide All Replies
    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 12:29 AM CDT

      I started the backlash against the Michael Ian Black backlash before I even knew who he was.

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 12:32 AM CDT

      So go watch Carlos Mencia. What do we fucking care?

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 2:38 AM CDT

      Listen to the snacks podcast. Black is funny off the cuff and a genuine comedic talent.

      Take this type of interview for example, where one is confronted with their own personal limitations and instead of thoughtful and witty responses, you’re going to get a bunch of whiny defensiveness from Mencia and Cook.

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 2:42 AM CDT

      I’m not too familiar with this here web page, but are you the same as that Lobsters fellow?

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 2:57 AM CDT

      Why should Comedy Central feel bad about cancelling Michael and Michael? The show was 9o% terrible, genuine, unfunny dreck.

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 4:16 AM CDT

      THE GUY FUCKING MAKES ME HATE THINGS I HOPE ROBIN WILLIAMS RUNS HIM OVER AND IN DOING SO ALSO KILLS HIMSELF

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 5:36 AM CDT

      I do not understand the appeal of Michael Ian Black. I never have, or will.

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 5:43 AM CDT

      Why do overweight Harry Potter fanfiction writing women with cats, Priuses, and live in female “roommates” love Ellen Degeneres? For the exact same reasons. It’s not rocket science here people. MIB is the male Ellen.

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 6:59 AM CDT

      I used to catch a few minutes of those VH-1 “I Love The” things, and, as unfunny as most of the commenters were, when this guy came on it was just embarassing, total vacuum.

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 9:11 AM CDT

      Well all the unregistereds in this thread are 100% terrible so you’ve got him beat, Sconn.

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 9:21 AM CDT

      Hold on

      Someone said Michael Ian Black backlash

      But they could not think to go with Michael Ian Blacklash?

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 10:50 AM CDT

      I dunno, this guy was pretty good in that Weird Science movie.

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 11:30 AM CDT

      @Crazy Gibberish
      Cuz, like, the registered might one day have one of their comments in the “We read what you wrote there” section of the screen. Garsh, I can see why the registered are so smug now; it’s almost like they’re published writers or something and not just another batch of sad commenters!

    Reply
  • wow, this interview came off kinda sad

    5 Aug. 2011 | 12:40 AM CDT

    I remember this guy from the old Viva Variety days, and thought he was funny. I haven’t really paid much attention to him beyond that, but it seems like the repeated failures and cancellations have worn on him.

    It’s like he almost makes it with each show, but then falls short. I just feel bad for him at this point.

    Hide All Replies
    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 1:31 AM CDT

      A lot of it is largely said for comedy’s sake. He has had a lot of success and the reality is, as he points out, almost everything on Comedy Central gets canceled.

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 2:20 AM CDT

      I for one miss my cool-ass-pal Johnny Blue Jeans!

      Come back brah and bring that hot-ass chick who used to be on The State / play bass & sing in Cakelike with you. You can leave the short dude with the mustache behind though brah. Not a fan of ‘stache-bros….

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 7:57 AM CDT

      much love for Johnny Blue Jeans. If only for the way he said “wow, baby really does like to eat alot of soup!” for the Baby Likes to Eat Soup doll

      oh and Baby Is An Out-Of-Work Jazz Musician doll.

      The things I remember that have no real purpose in my life astound me.

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 8:48 AM CDT

      Actually, it’s the Baby Who Tastes Like Soup doll.

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 8:53 AM CDT

      The funniest part about every Johnny Blue Jeans bit was when it was over and he went away so Tom Lennon could scream “JOHNNY BLUE JEEEEEAAAANSSS!!!”. That was hilarious. But we’re not talking about Michael Ian Black now, are we?

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 9:42 AM CDT

      I liked Viva Variety, too. Don’t get the Michael Ian Black hate, but apparently he seriously doesn’t appeal to a particular kind of person.

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 10:22 AM CDT

      On getting knives thrown at him: “Okay, I’ll do it. But only because I’m otherwise unemployable.”

      The best part about Viva Variety is that it was a funny parody of variety shows AND a legitimate variety show. After Tiny Toon Adventures, it was the second place I’d ever seen They Might Be Giants, and probably the spark that caused me to start buying TMBG albums.

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 10:30 AM CDT

      Some silly karaoke sketch was the first time I heard Nell Carter sing. And wow.

      My favorite Johnny Blue Jeans moment was when they were discussing what they could say on basic cable (words like “asswipe” and “blow me”), and he pops in with “Can I say pigfucker?” all wide-eyed.

    Reply
  • Comedy Central

    5 Aug. 2011 | 12:42 AM CDT

    That was a fantastic assessment of Comedy Central. Didn’t they cancel the Benson Interruption? I haven’t watched it yet, so I can’t speak for the quality, but it couldn’t have cost a lot to shoot. If it was halfway decent it’d keep pulling bigger and bigger names.

    I don’t understand why they don’t show their original programming in re-runs more often. Build a base people, come on.

    Hide All Replies
    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 1:08 AM CDT

      It is interesting to here from someone with an inside view. I’ve said before in other articles that Comedy Central seems to be only interested in trying to generate instant smash-hit quotable meme producers like Chappelle or South Park by throwing as many shows out there as possible. It’s a dumb model. Say what you want about the way Fox marketed Arrested Development but at least they gave it two and a half seasons.

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 1:27 AM CDT

      When I was 13 my two favorite shows were Strangers With Candy and Upright Citizens Brigade and I didn’t know anyone else who watched them or even knew what they were. Considering how popular South Park was, this made absolutely no sense to me. I’m very glad we got three seasons of each but I still think they should have re-run the shit out of them like they did South Park and the Daily Show.

      Also… release season three of UCB on dvd already! My season one is so beat up from overuse that I’d even buy an overpriced complete series box.

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 1:45 AM CDT

      On that note, I can see why that attitude would try for a critical-commercial sweet spot in something like Reno 911 or Onion SportsDome. Those could generate catchphrases and respect. But did the executive-before-this-one think that skunk people would be the cool new Halloween costume? Are 2 Michaels slipping between silliness and dry aggression likely to generate Workaholics-style online presence?

      I mean, Stella and Michael Ian Black, specifically, are 2 of my favorite things and I’m glad they got to do things. The Comedy Central caricature wouldn’t have given them chances at all. Still, I think the channel’s arbitrariness makes it more annoying.

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 1:51 AM CDT

      It definitely seems like they want every show to be a hit or else “eh, fuck it.” Which makes their renewal of the awful Workaholics even more puzzling. If any network knows how to pull the plug on a show right quick, it’s Comedy Central.

      Of course the execs know that people will always watch it for South Park and Jon Stewart (and most will stick around for Colbert), but they don’t really seem to care about much else. Maybe Futurama. It’s probably too soon to tell how they’re treating that, but they paid a lot of money for it so it’s in their interest to support it. And they probably like Tosh because it has a huge ratings to cost-to-produce ratio.

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 2:52 AM CDT

      “…stick around for Colbert?!” Stephen Colbert is the funniest thing on that network, dumbass.

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 2:57 AM CDT

      His ratings are not as good as Stewart’s and I’m sure that’s what he meant by his comment. Dumbass.

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 4:35 AM CDT

      “It definitely seems like they want every show to be a hit or else “eh, fuck it.” Which makes their renewal of the awful Workaholics even more puzzling. If any network knows how to pull the plug on a show right quick, it’s Comedy Central.”

      Workaholics was the highest rated show among young men basically every night it was on.

      The anomaly in the Comedy Central ideology I’ve always called back to is the Sarah Silverman Program. It was one of my favorite shows while it was on but it never did good in the ratings and yet they stuck it out for 3 seasons (and what felt like 6 years).

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 5:01 AM CDT


      Unless they start re-running old MST3Ks, I don’t care about Comedy Central (and as a mid-twenties male, I assume I’m their target demographic).

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 8:53 AM CDT

      Mid-20’s is not their target demographic. While most males in that age group don’t have a family and the related expenses yet, they still lack the earning potential to have much disposable income.

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 9:14 AM CDT

      The Benson Interruption was horrible. It was like having a heckler of the “I’m going to help the comic be funnier” type right there on stage.

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 9:15 AM CDT

      That’s a shame, puncturedjesus. My high school friends instantly clicked into that genius hour of television. We ca,e in the morning after quoting it nonstop and angering our teachers by answering questions with stuff like “why would you put an incredibly dangerous curve on a FAKE highway?!” We were all devastated when they got the ax.

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 9:52 AM CDT

      Didn’t they show The Benson Interruption at like midnight on Friday? I know they usually show standup on Fridays. Even so, it didn’t seem like they had any interest in making that a hit.

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 9:55 AM CDT

      Workaholics has a lot of buzz going for it, Always Sunny style.

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 10:05 AM CDT

      I don’t think that

      [this comment has been cancelled by Comedy Central]

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 10:12 AM CDT

      I thought Reality Bites Back was actually a solid show, and had some potential to serve as an irreverent showcase for under-the-radar comedians. You know, exactly what Comedy Central should be doing?

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 10:34 AM CDT

      workaholics had a south park lead-in…?

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 10:36 AM CDT

      Yeah, I like Doug Benson fine, but the very idea of The Benson Interruption was just fucking annoying. It’s like putting out a movie that has a built-in commentary of annoying teenagers talking on their phone the entire time.

      Also, Stella was awesome, one of my favorite things ever, but it’s for very very specific tastes, and not only that, it’s not even the kind of thing you can casually like. What I’ve found is that the people that don’t like it absolutely loathe it. So, as much as I’d like to join in the complaining over its cancellation, I honestly sort of understand it. It was never something that would be popular, and from what I’ve heard, it was really expensive to produce.

      I never thought Michael & Michael Have Issues was that good. Black and Showalter have pretty narrow comedy styles. If nothing else, M&MHI confirmed to me what I’d always thought was true, which is that David Wain is the real comedic mastermind behind Stella.

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 10:42 AM CDT

      I think Michael Ian Black is a very funny guy. I think Michael & Michael Have Issues was not a very funny show. While normally I’d say that it’s not fair for Comedy Central to base their programming decisions on a single season of seven episodes, it’s also not fair for Michael & Michael to come out with an unfunny show that started low-rated and dwindled from there, and then blast the network for not supporting it.

      Say what you want, but Comedy Central has a track record of supporting its original programming that it believes in - Sarah Silverman, Demetri Martin, and now Nick Swardson’s sketch show.

      Not that I want to see more ‘Blue Collar Comedy,’ but those guys are all seasoned veterans at appealing to a wide audience. It’s not like the network can’t find programming that is both funny and has mass appeal, just look at South Park and Chappelle’s Show. But as long as their programming department has their heads up the asses of the alt. comedy scenes in NYC and LA, constantly programming niche shows that can only really appeal to people in maybe seven major cities, and then canceling these shows when it turns out that a fraction of a fraction of their potential audience watches it, odds are good they’re not likely going to find it.

      My prediction: You’re going to see more Tosh.0-style shows. Cheap shows built around a young, male, handsome comedian. A Jeselnik, a Buress, a Thune even.

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 11:15 AM CDT

      Uh, not sure if I would go so far as to call Tosh “handsome.”
      Good-looking, the way a jerk manager at the Hollister or a stoned lifeguard at a lesser beach is good-looking.

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 11:31 AM CDT

      Fair enough. Maybe I should have said, “Relatively handsome, in comparison to other male comedians on television.”

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 11:37 AM CDT

      Sarah Silverman actually did really good in the ratings. At least until they buried the third season.

    Reply
  • Gay?

    5 Aug. 2011 | 12:53 AM CDT

    Gay.

    Hide All Replies
    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 8:49 AM CDT

      Probably. But then again, you’d think David Spade would be gay from his comic persona too and that dude has a different Playboy model every weekend. Allegedly.

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 9:47 AM CDT

      Married with kids.

    Reply
  • so i wish

    5 Aug. 2011 | 1:00 AM CDT

    that he would have asked him about working w/ megan mccain and wtf that is about…i am mostly just curious about that project.

    Hide All Replies
    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 1:30 AM CDT

      He apparently initiated it, which, as much as I adore him, makes me question his judgment.

      Those of us on the right don’t like Meghan McCain’s politics. Those on the left don’t like her politics. Those on both sides know that she’s…not smart…and an atrocious writer. Anyone who likes 1 of them probably doesn’t like the other. Transpartisan friendships, travel, and doing jobs on a lark are great, but surely the book and paycheck couldn’t be THAT impressive.

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 1:34 AM CDT

      Does anyone like Meghan McCain? Aside from folks in the media who even cares what she thinks. She is a sub-par writer (and that is being generous) and has no real life experience. The woman gets attention every once and a while by being contrarian and not knowing anything. Why she gets attention and seemingly respect is beyond me.

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 1:57 AM CDT

      I like Meghan McCain’s boobs. But Ian Michael McBlack is easily the worst member of The State.

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 5:38 AM CDT

      Every once IN a while.

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 9:40 AM CDT

      I don’t get it either, but I do think Black is probably the most primed and willing (and maybe even desperate) member of The State (besides maybe Lennon and Garant) to try and become a household name. He’s done tons of commercials, all the VH1 stuff, kids books, written crappy movies aimed at the mainstream, hosted reality shows, etc. It’s not all that surprising that he’s doing something that, at worst, will get his name out there in the news cycle for a few days and at best, may get him recognition from the types of people who wouldn’t normally check him out and, in turn, lead to more work.

    Reply
  • To me, Wet Hot American Summer…

    5 Aug. 2011 | 1:32 AM CDT

    .. was probably the best pure fucked up comedy I’ve seen since Caddyshack. They captured lightning with that one.

    -Mark

    Reply
  • I love him in Ed

    5 Aug. 2011 | 2:05 AM CDT

    Infact i love Ed because it’s like a more humble and less smug version of Ally McBeal and Boston Legal.

    Michael Ian Black’s the real star of the show, and maybe Tom Cavanagh and Julie Bowen too.

    Reply
  • The State

    5 Aug. 2011 | 2:28 AM CDT

    Hello. My name is Captain Monterey Jack. And I’m here to talk to you today about something “nice people” don’t like talking about…

    Your rights and responsibilities regarding the proper maintenance and storage of cheese!

    Hide All Replies
    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 8:42 AM CDT

      *ring, ring*

      Hello, cheese… No! Cheese can’t dial a phone!

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 9:14 AM CDT

      Hey buddy, if I wanted to hear that kinda language, I’d put on a Marky Mark and the Funny Bunch CD!

      And no tying your shoes isn’t for sissies, but wearing glasses is, so that means that guy’s a sissy.

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 9:19 AM CDT

      Thomas Edison was a great man, but he was a bastard to his wife and kids.

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 9:50 AM CDT

      By the way, your shoe’s untied…Made you look! You have to know, you understand me? You have to always be aware!

      I love you Captain Monterey Jack.

      Alright, I’m not that crazy about you.

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 10:15 AM CDT

      This isn’t a game. This isn’t basketball, and my name isn’t Charles Buckley.

    Reply
  • Wet Hot American Summer 10th Anniversary Blu Ray

    5 Aug. 2011 | 2:46 AM CDT

    Is this a thing that’s going to exist? It seems to be alluded to at least in this article. —-> http://www.avclub.com/articles/david-wain-still-talking-about-a-wet-hot-american,57880/

    Can someone with exceptional powers of reading comprehension give me the lowdown? I tend to think the answer may be, “no”.

    Reply
  • Hi I am Michael Ian Black`

    5 Aug. 2011 | 4:57 AM CDT

    And I am living proof that being funny and making a living as a comedian are unrelated.
    Thanks and Bi!

    Hide All Replies
    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 7:14 AM CDT

      only you’re not that funny.

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 11:17 AM CDT

      He performed at an ex’s college a while back. He was pretty funny. Laughs were had.
      Friend of mine had the ovaries to ask how he enjoyed making out with Bradley Cooper during the Q&A. He became very, very embarrassed.

    Reply
  • MOUTH

    5 Aug. 2011 | 6:04 AM CDT

    I WANNA FART IN MICHAEL IAN BLACKS MOUTH

    Hide All Replies Reply
  • Random Ian Michael Black facts

    5 Aug. 2011 | 8:38 AM CDT

    1) Funniest thing IMB has ever said: “No, you’re thinking of Bruce McCulloch”

    2) Managed to be less funny that Mo Rocca on “Rocco’s Dinner Party.” (To be fair, Mo brought his A game and managed to rise to “slightly funny.”)

    3) Is otherwise pretty funny.

    Hide All Replies
    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 8:55 AM CDT

      Oh god, is Mo Rocca awful. I’ve stopped listening to NPR because of him.

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 11:19 AM CDT

      “Blegghh” at Mo Rocco.

    Reply
  • tv aids or…

    5 Aug. 2011 | 8:41 AM CDT

    just not funny?

    Never liked this guy, though I always felt like I should.

    Reply
  • A pod cast where two guys from “Ed” talk about snacks

    5 Aug. 2011 | 8:47 AM CDT

    Here’s a snack you can talk about - My ass, Snack on my ass, you lazy fucking dip shits.
    “We should do something.”
    “Let’s do … a PODCAST about … SNACKS.”
    “Is that your way of saying you don’t want to do something with me?”
    “No! No, I really want to do something with you! Really!”
    “Oh! Mister The State is blowing me off cause my show with Wil from ‘Wil And Grace’ went tits up - ‘Let’s do a podcast about snacks’! Fuck you!”
    “No! No! I REALLY want to do that!”
    “Really?”
    “Really! You don’t think I’m a Big Loser because of the ‘Yogi Bear’ Movie?”
    “No! No, no, no, no! I LOVED that Movie!”
    “Really?”
    “Yeah! You were REALLY GOOD in it!”
    “Gee! Thanks! Well, okay! I’ll do that podcast about snacks with you. It’ll be great!”
    “Yeah.”
    “Allright!”
    “Yeah!”
    “I’ll give you a call about that, okay? A podcast about snacks! You crazy motherfucker!”
    “Yeah, Bye.”
    “Bye!”
    “Bye.” Long pause. “Shit. Now I have to do a fuckin’ podcast about snacks with that asshole. Shit!”

    Hide All Replies Reply
  • The Reaper

    5 Aug. 2011 | 8:50 AM CDT

    I’ve pretty much hated Michael Ian Black in everything he’s done since The State, but he was hilarious in The Reaper.

    Reply
  • HEY

    5 Aug. 2011 | 9:01 AM CDT

    He LOVES the 80’s!


    AND DAWES!!!!1!

    Reply
  • I thought his real name

    5 Aug. 2011 | 9:10 AM CDT

    was Michael Schwartz, but he changed it because he’s ashamed of being Jewish.

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 9:15 AM CDT

      >implying Black isn’t a Jewish name


      HOLY DUMB FUCK

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 9:17 AM CDT

      According to The State audio commentary, that’s actually true. Ian Black wrote all of the “Hi, we’re The State” sketches.

    • 5 Aug. 2011 | 9:45 AM CDT

      They also make fun of that in a recent Stella sketch, during a flashback to their freshmen year…something like:
      MIB: “Hi, I’m Michael Schwartz.”
      Wain or Showalter: “Whoa, quit shoving your Judaism in my face.”
      MIB: “You’re right, I should change it.”

    Reply
  • Tom Hanks plays himself

    5 Aug. 2011 | 9:26 AM CDT

    He really does believe that life is like a box of chocolates. That wasn’t just something he said in the movie Simple Jack.

    Reply
  • this guy?

    5 Aug. 2011 | 9:31 AM CDT

    this guy… i just can’t stand this guy.

    his brethren (and sistren) from the state are all pretty much great. but this guy? not this guy.

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Entertainment Weekly is one of those publications that sometimes says nice things about me, and so I will repay them the favor by saying nice things about them: Entertainment Weekly is my go-to magazine for finding out what I am doing and when I am doing it. B+

Entertainment Weekly is one of those publications that sometimes says nice things about me, and so I will repay them the favor by saying nice things about them: Entertainment Weekly is my go-to magazine for finding out what I am doing and when I am doing it. B+

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From the AV Club

Mike And Tom Eat Snacks #27: Lorna Doone Shortbread Cookies 
Michael Ian Black gives co-host Tom Cavanagh a marvelous account this week of his fictitious rivalry with the actor Ian McShane. Black spins a straight-faced tale about heroically landing himself a role on Deadwood, only to come down with laryngitis and have McShane conspire to take him down. Our hosts eventually get around to reviewing Nabisco’s Lorna Doone Shortbread Cookies, which they deem lightweight compared to Walker Shortbread cookies—“It’s Shortbread 101,” as Black puts it, and “Walker’s is deep-cut shortbread.” This occasions much talk in oozy Scottish accents and the revelation that Black is going to make afternoon tea cool again.

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Sneak peek of my new album cover. It comes out August 9th. My special, “Very Famous,” airs on Comedy Central 8/6/11 at 11:00 EST. Comedy Central has promised to give everybody who watches a bottle of hand lotion to jerk off with as you watch.

Sneak peek of my new album cover. It comes out August 9th. My special, “Very Famous,” airs on Comedy Central 8/6/11 at 11:00 EST. Comedy Central has promised to give everybody who watches a bottle of hand lotion to jerk off with as you watch.

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First Review of My New Album, “Very Famous”

http://midwestrecord.com/MWRBlog.html

COMEDY CENTRAL
MICHAEL IAN BLACK / Very Famous:  Black is one of those comics whose sense of snark runs so deep that you have to listen to him a few times before you have an Aha! Moment and suddenly get him.  Funny thing is, he addresses this right out of the box.  And it’s funny.  And if you haven’t gotten him yet, you will now.  A hip, anti-hipster for pomo times, taking his act on the road has honed his chops and whether monologing or joking, Black is bringing hard and fast, and of course, funny.  This is the antidote and tonic for when you feel like you might be developing a terminal case of cranky pants.  Go Michael!

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jamiesbarr asked: Do you do weddings? Trying to find an officiant and think you'd be perfect. I checked your contact page at Keppler Speakers bureau website and it list prices starting around $10,000. Anyway to discount that price?

I will do it for $9750.00 + all the appetizers I can fit in my pockets.