September 2011
6 posts
hannahclaired asked: You have a twitter, tumblr, and now I see a website? Get off the computer and come hangout with me. I have no shame in buying your friendship. Just throw me some of those smart ass lines. Not kidding that much. Come here now.
star-latino asked: loved the CC special
imcrushingyourhead asked: I don't care that you have a wife and kids, can't we just have an affair? I want to go down that long path that leads to you sleeping with me.
:D
:D
amber-lynn asked: i wrote you a letter on my tumblr in regards to the hurt i feel that i can't see you play in charleston, sc because your show was sold out. i might be falling into a depression.
wrenslastlaugh asked: My friend Matt told me that one time at a fair in Connecticut your daughter bit his hand when he asked her to leave a bouncy house and it drew blood and you didn't even apologize. I think that's fantastic.
Somebody Forwarded Me This: I Liked It
A Poem for 9/11/11
Whatever you say about it will be stupid
But say it anyway.
Whatever you were doing doesn’t matter
But tell us anyway.
Whoever you are
Wherever you were
However much you try
None of it
Can replace any of what was lost
But try to anyway.
August 2011
5 posts
Comparing 3 Actual, Serious, Not Funny Diseases by...
Bulimia > Anorexia
Spinal Bifida > Cerebral Palsy
Genital Herpes > AIDS
The "Black is White" Tour Schedule!
18-Aug Louisville, KY http://improvlouisville.com/show_right.cfm?id=79379
7-Sep Athens, GA www.40watt.com
8-Sep Atlanta, GA http://www.ferstcenter.gatech.edu/plugins/shows/index.php?id=461
9-Sep Asheville, NC http://theorangepeel.net/events/michael-ian-black/
10-Sep Charleston, SC 8pm...
If You've Ever Wondered Where All My Winning...
Just read the comment section of this AV Club interview I did. Just a marvelous potpourri of hatred:
Well?
Do I dare disturb the universe?
5 Aug. 2011 | 12:09 AM CDT
Huh?
Hide All Replies
Angry Black Man
5 Aug. 2011 | 12:11 AM CDT
successful prufrocksies
Mustardayonnaise
5 Aug. 2011 | 12:15 AM CDT
I’m gonna look one more time for that baby deer.
What this firstie feels like
5...
July 2011
3 posts
From the AV Club
Mike And Tom Eat Snacks #27: Lorna Doone Shortbread Cookies Michael Ian Black gives co-host Tom Cavanagh a marvelous account this week of his fictitious rivalry with the actor Ian McShane. Black spins a straight-faced tale about heroically landing himself a role on Deadwood, only to come down with laryngitis and have McShane conspire to take him down. Our hosts eventually get around to...
First Review of My New Album, "Very Famous"
http://midwestrecord.com/MWRBlog.html COMEDY CENTRAL MICHAEL IAN BLACK / Very Famous: Black is one of those comics whose sense of snark runs so deep that you have to listen to him a few times before you have an Aha! Moment and suddenly get him. Funny thing is, he addresses this right out of the box. And it’s funny. And if you haven’t gotten him yet, you will now. A hip, anti-hipster for pomo...
June 2011
3 posts
jamiesbarr asked: Do you do weddings? Trying to find an officiant and think you'd be perfect. I checked your contact page at Keppler Speakers bureau website and it list prices starting around $10,000. Anyway to discount that price?
WatchHere I am doing a little Noel Coward for Bullet Magazine.
April 2011
3 posts
Some Ideas for Wii Videogames
1. “The Wii Controller is Your Penis” That’s the name of the game. Each level brings you various challenging holes in which to put your penis. It’s like the board game “Operation” only instead of taking things out, you are putting something in. Your penis. And you can touch the sides. You can also play the non-electronic version with your penis.
2. “Baby...
March 2011
10 posts
This is a very important letter written on my...
Loyal Taco Bell patron John Van Lieshout (www.iamjohnvan.com) wrote this letter on my behalf. I do not understand why he did not address it to President Barack Obama, but his efforts are, nonetheless, appreciated.
Letter to Taco Bell regarding Michael Ian Black
Yum! Brands, Inc.
Care of Taco Bell HR
1441 Gardiner Lane Louisville, KY 40213
March 24, 2011
To Whom It May Concern:
I have been a...
A Letter To My Congressman Regarding My Taco Bell...
This is a letter I wrote to my congressman to get my Taco Bell situation resolved once and for all. If we all write to our congressmen immediately, I’m sure they will take action. Otherwise, this could drag on for a very long time.
Congressional email addresses can be found here.
3/22/11
To: The Honorable Jim Himes
4th Congressional District of Connecticut
119 119 Cannon House Office...
Austin
Final day here in Austin, Texas, home of the South by Southwest Music and Film and Interactive Social Media Fuckfest. It’s a little upsetting to go because the lobby at my hotel has been filled with the computer people and it’s about to turnover into the rock-n-roll people, and I suspect those people are much better looking. They might also be more willing to give out handjobs and/or...
Witstream
What a joy to be up here five miles above the ground, blogging for the new Witstream Tumblr account. A joy because I am no longer confined to 140 characters and also because it gives me something to concentrate besides the guy next to me who opened our conversation this morning by saying “I ate a lot of Taco Bell last night. Excuse me if I’m a little gassy.”
I hope Witizens will...
February 2011
2 posts
Here I Am
For those of you wondering where I have been or what I’ve been doing, here I am. The dirt so far: I just shot a pilot for E! entitled “The Black List,” which is me giving daily pop culture commentary and jokes. Think “The Daily Show” for pop culture. But don’t think “The Showbiz Show” because that was terrible.
In other news: I just finished the...
coopcooperberg asked: If you could eat yourself, would you?
January 2011
2 posts
Sneak Peek of MATES Podcast!
For the past few months I have been teasing out news about a fun project I’ve been doing with my friend Tom Cavanagh. It’s a podcast called “Mike And Tom Eat Snacks,” and I am pleased to announce the first episode is now available for downloading.
I’m calling it a sneak peek because it’s not yet up on iTunes, but I thought it would be fun to release it here a...
December 2010
3 posts
nonexistentparachute-deactivate asked: Is I Love the New Millenium ever going to cover 2008 and 2009? I can't seem to recall what happened in those years. I thought it'd be wise to ask you, seeing as you are the poster child for the series.
November 2010
6 posts
banewdonohue asked: Why did Carson Daily call you and underground comedian last night?
catwashere asked: How many sexually related queries do I have to make before you finally respond to me?
Three Conversations I Had With Strangers Last...
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hey
You: Hi!
Stranger: asl
You: 39 m what’s “L?”
Stranger: petafile freak get a life
You: Wait, are you mad at me?
You: What’s “petafile?”
Stranger: your so dam old to go on this web site
You: Yeah, but I only have a few grey hairs at my temples.
Stranger: wat coler are your pubes
You:...
The Butler Family Christmas Letter As Written to...
Dear family and friends and pets,
Once again, my master David is too busy to sit down and write a holiday letter so he asked me, his best friend, to do it for him. Once again, I said yes, even though my paws are still aching from typing last year’s letter! I sure wish they taught touch typing in obedience school! Ha ha.
Well, another year has come and gone. Hard to believe that Coby and Ashley are...
Some Wistfulness...
Sometimes I wish I was made out of frog parts. It would be great to be able to jump really far and have an extra-long Gene Simmons style tongue. I don’t want to look like a frog or do too many frog things like croak, but just a few frog parts would be okay. Now that I think about it a little more, maybe what I really want is just a little more athletic and cunnilingual ability. Yes, I think that’s...
October 2010
12 posts
pigeonmotel asked: As an aspiring comedy writer, what advice can you give me other than "Learn to love to suck a lot of dicks"?
A Pretty Funny Interview I Did With "The Breeze,"...
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Q & A with Michael Ian Black
Posted: Monday, October 25, 2010 6:53 pm | Updated: 11:53 pm, Mon Oct 25, 2010.
Jeff Wade | 0 comments
You do a lot of college touring. What do you find to be the biggest difference between college shows and your other dates?
I get college credit for doing these.
So it’s an unpaid internship like thing then?
Yeah, I get...
brijam asked: I was wondering if I need to do anything to prepare for your Oregon State show coming up. Any suggestions?
What I Would Be Thinking About If I Were Billy...
NOTE: In honor of Howard Stern actually asking Billy Joel about this essay today on his radio show, I am reprinting it in its entirety. Available for purchase in my book “MY Custom Van (And 50 Other Mind-Blowing Essays That Will Blow Your Mind All Over Face) Buy here.
I’m not doing it. I’m just not. I know I say the same thing every year, but this time I mean it – I am not playing “Piano...
sugartits-sugartips asked: I'm supposed to be seeing you preform in San Fransisco, on November 4th. Should I bring a sheet of plastic, a la a Gallagher performance?
