Mike And Tom Eat Snacks #27: Lorna Doone Shortbread Cookies
Michael Ian Black gives co-host Tom Cavanagh a marvelous account this week of his fictitious rivalry with the actor Ian McShane. Black spins a straight-faced tale about heroically landing himself a role on Deadwood, only to come down with laryngitis and have McShane conspire to take him down. Our hosts eventually get around to reviewing Nabisco’s Lorna Doone Shortbread Cookies, which they deem lightweight compared to Walker Shortbread cookies—“It’s Shortbread 101,” as Black puts it, and “Walker’s is deep-cut shortbread.” This occasions much talk in oozy Scottish accents and the revelation that Black is going to make afternoon tea cool again.
MICHAEL IAN BLACK / Very Famous: Black is one of those comics whose sense of snark runs so deep that you have to listen to him a few times before you have an Aha! Moment and suddenly get him. Funny thing is, he addresses this right out of the box. And it’s funny. And if you haven’t gotten him yet, you will now. A hip, anti-hipster for pomo times, taking his act on the road has honed his chops and whether monologing or joking, Black is bringing hard and fast, and of course, funny. This is the antidote and tonic for when you feel like you might be developing a terminal case of cranky pants. Go Michael!
jamiesbarr asked: Do you do weddings? Trying to find an officiant and think you'd be perfect. I checked your contact page at Keppler Speakers bureau website and it list prices starting around $10,000. Anyway to discount that price?
I will do it for $9750.00 + all the appetizers I can fit in my pockets.
1. “The Wii Controller is Your Penis” That’s the name of the game. Each level brings you various challenging holes in which to put your penis. It’s like the board game “Operation” only instead of taking things out, you are putting something in. Your penis. And you can touch the sides. You can also play the non-electronic version with your penis.
2. “Baby Seal!!!” The year is 1978. Baby seals are everywhere and there is no law against clubbing them. Get them all before they overtake New York!
3. “Old-Timey Cutting the Lawn” In this fast-paced game, it is mid-summer and the grass is getting high. The twist? It’s the Middle Ages and Master is going to be mad if he gets back from the Crusades and the grass hasn’t been cut. Use your Wii controller as a scythe to cut the grass. Serfdom was never THIS fun!
4. “Zombie Frat Party” The members of Epsilon Alpha Alpha have been turned into zombies on the BIGGEST PARTY NIGHT OF THE YEAR! Will you kill them or party with them? The decision is up to YOU!
5. “1040” The year: 2011. The date: April 14th. The clock: ticking. Tax day is tomorrow and you haven’t even started filling out your 1040. Gather your tax forms and get to work. This could take HOURS!!!
Loyal Taco Bell patron John Van Lieshout (www.iamjohnvan.com) wrote this letter on my behalf. I do not understand why he did not address it to President Barack Obama, but his efforts are, nonetheless, appreciated.
Yum! Brands, Inc.
Care of Taco Bell HR
1441 Gardiner Lane
Louisville, KY 40213
March 24, 2011
To Whom It May Concern:
I have been a loyal Taco Bell customer my entire life. Though I live on the border of the Latino part of town in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, I refuse to eat so-called “authentic” Mexican cuisine, instead preferring your “Enchirito®” and “Nacho Cheese Gordita.” (I much preferred the Cheesy Gordita Crunch, and was saddened to see it leave the menu, but that is for a different letter.) I have suffered through numerous Taco Bell promotions, such as the Crunch Wrap Supreme, Charles Barkley, and whatever that food-like-product was that was “good to go,” all because I love your company and your Enchirito® so dearly. However, I’m not sure I can suffer much longer.
I understand Taco Bell is currently in midst of a public relations nightmare following a lawsuit claiming your company should not be allowed to call it’s “beef filling” beef at all. I know the company is spending millions of dollars fighting this claim. And I know, with certainty, that if you don’t hire very-famous celebrity Michael Ian Black as your spokesperson during this trying time, your brand-image will almost certainly suffer.
Mr. Black is a very famous celebrity, but more importantly a taco enthusiast. His love for the art of the taco goes back to a famous “STATE” sketch called “Taco Mail,” in which a mailman delivers tacos to his door rather than the mail. He has a hilarious essay entitled Taco Party, which has been viewed over 48,000 times on FunnyorDie.com. Michael Ian Black has cache in the taco-loving community. Right now, in the midst of your public relations nightmare, that is what you need. There is no man I can think of that can help your company navigate these murky waters more so than Michael Ian Black.
I will be disheartened if you fail to realize the opportunity you have now to hire Mr. Black’s services to be your spokesman. This is a pivotal time in the history of Taco Bell. I truly hope you make the right decision.
Viva la Taco Party.
John Van Lieshout
This is a letter I wrote to my congressman to get my Taco Bell situation resolved once and for all. If we all write to our congressmen immediately, I’m sure they will take action. Otherwise, this could drag on for a very long time.
Congressional email addresses can be found here.
To: The Honorable Jim Himes
4th Congressional District of Connecticut
119 119 Cannon House Office Building
Washington, DC 20515
From: Michael Ian Black (very famous)
Dear Mr. Himes,
Recently, I created two videos in which I asked President Barack Obama to make me the spokesman for Taco Bell. Those videos can be seen on YouTube. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UpTW0YGCQPg) and (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KTjPo6QvhV8) After waiting almost a full day, I have not heard back from either President Obama or anybody from his administration.
If you could please look into this matter at your earliest convenience, I would greatly appreciate it.
Michael Ian Black
Loyal Constituent since 2008